Poverty. Visa renewal rejection. Covid. Plan to apply for a freelance visa shot down by lawyer. Sprained ankle. If this has been Spain sending me signs, I’ve very obviously closed my eyes and stopped up my ears.

The blog has been quiet since May and for good reason. I’ve been hit with a major setback nearly every month since then. This is not to say nothing good has happened. But when your losses outweigh your wins, you take notice. Also, I’m pessimistic by nature so there’s that.

Any other sane person would have probably taken a look at this series of events, thought, “well, I tried”, and moved on. Nope, not me! I can’t decide if I’m dumb, stubborn, persistent, or all three. After a while, I had to laugh when something else terrible cropped up. Just throw it on the pile with the rest of the misfortune.

I’m not dead yet!

Like I said though, I’m very negative. Truthfully, life hasn’t been complete trash. The contract for the content editor position I started back in late April/early May has been extended twice and the work is steady. I’m learning a lot about SEO and content marketing in general. I’m sharpening my editing and content strategy skills. I’ve cleared the cobwebs out of my bank account.

My legal situation is still…precarious, for lack of a less incriminating word. After two months of panic-induced inaction, I finally spoke to a lawyer in July about applying for residency through a freelance visa. She told me I needed 25K in my bank account as if that were something casually attainable for someone in my position. This led to several more months of paralysis. Recently, desperate, I decided to get a second opinion and have been told by countless people on a Spain immigration Facebook page that she was completely wrong about literally everything she told me. Fab.

You can’t trust people.

An American woman who did the process herself was kind enough to connect with me to detail the steps and it seems fairly straightforward. Bureaucratic and annoying for sure but doable. I’m planning to get started on a business plan over the next week and see how it goes.

I’m honestly still a little confused as to why I’m fighting so hard for a country that has given me nothing but trouble since I first came here in 2008. I’ve been asked, over and over, what is keeping me here. At first, I was lying to myself about the reasons I gave. Now, I don’t even know what the truth is anymore. I just feel like I’m in too deep. Complacency? Destiny? Who’s to say?

I know I could have a good life in the UK and I’ve seesawed back and forth for a couple of years now about moving there. For some reason, I can’t make it happen. Spain has a death grip on my brain. I keep waiting for the last straw but apparently, it’s never catastrophic enough.

I have a few “future” things on the back burner but like most ideas, I haven’t committed to any of them fully so it’s pointless to go into it. I’m trying to get better at the whole living in the moment thing. Clearly, I’m doing a great job.

One thought on “Signs

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